GoobyMcBooby

LEEEEEEEEAVE BUTTER ALONE!!!!

i only said 98% of this today

Adorable email from my Mom (11/15/2011)

My Mom sent me an email today and told me this story which made me smile.:

“Today Mily had to bring her little girl, Scarlett, with her to clean the house.  Scarlett kept me busy.  We drew pictures and put them on the fridge, went through my jewelry box, explored many drawers and other such stuff.  She liked all the heart lockets I had especially the ones that opened.  When I opened the one with your picture in it, I said, “this is my little girl, Gooby, only she’s all grown up now”.  Scarlett looked at the photo and said “I love her”. So, of course, I said “I do too.” (o:

LIFE LESSON #1

Life Lesson #1

I often have wacky ideas for no good reason, and my brother
sets me straight. I remember when I was 15 or so my brother
and I were having a conversation about sex and love.  I don’t
know why I thought what I thought but this is (basically)
what was said:

Me: No one’s ever going to marry me because I don’t want
to have anal sex.
Brother: (shocked and somewhat amused)  Well, not every guy
wants to have anal sex, and it’s not like a requirement once you
get married.
Me: No?
Brother: No. You’ll probably find someone to marry you.
Me: That’s a relief.
 
I’m 36 and still single, but he was right about the anal sex thing. 

Dear Allan Strickland Williams

Thank you for following me. You;re the only one, and I don’t even know you. I think you must be a good person.

kisses!

gooby

I didn’t think I could like Foster The People and Pumped up Kicks more, but I do. This is them being divine on David Letterman.

I like real-life poking but I’m not a fan of virtual poking

Getting my Gucci on

I <3 me some Kreayshwan

Kreayshawn speaks…

Beauty makeover

I haven’t dated anyone in a year because the last one broke my

heart, and I have had a hard time getting over it. But, I’m trying

now.  I agreed to go out with a guy from OKCupid this weekend,

and it forced me to take a good hard look at myself. I thought

about his first impression of me, and I wasn’t impressed.  I’ve

gained weight, have inexplicable dark  circles under my eyes,

starting to look old etc etc.  It was like my parents were coming

to visit and I started looking at my  apartment through my Mom’s

eyes.  Things looked dirty, unkempt and altogether unacceptable.

I started feeling self-conscious and decided that I needed to spruce

up before showing up for this date.  I couldn’t afford a manicure so

I decided to do my own which is never a good idea because I don’t

have a steady hand or an ounce of patience. I painted my nails Essie

“Licorice”, but they looked horrible.  I have trouble coloring within

the lines.  At the last minute, I decided to go to Walgreens and get

some Sally Hansen Salon Effects (for those of you that don’t know,

they’re kind of like nail stickers).  I got a kind called “Cut it Out”. I

wanted “Check it Out”, but they were sold out of that kind. Just my

luck.  Anyway, I purchased  “Cut it Out”, and it took me about 45

minutes to apply them (which is way longer than it would take any

other human to apply I am sure!).  They weren’t great (due to my

inability to do anything right, but they were way better than the

sloppy black coat that I put on earlier.

I also got fake eyelashes.  I’m not good at applying these and only ever

wear them for Halloween (when it doesn’t really matter if you get your

make-up right).  But, due to my weight gain, I thought maybe I should

put some extra effort into my face.  However, after doing my stupid nails,

I didn’t have time to fake up my eyelashes.  So, today on a lazy Sunday

when I had plenty of time to experiment, I decided to try to put on these

individual eyelashes.  I decided to get individual ones instead of the strip

because I’ve heard a lot of actresses and  make-up artists say that

individual lashes give the eye a more natural and more dramatic look. 

This is probably true if you know what you’re doing, but I do not.   It

ended up being a 3 HOUR DISASTER! I put them on, had trouble making

them stick, when they did stick they would stick way above my lash line

which made it look like I had random hairs growing out of my eye lid, like

hairs growing out of a mole (FYI not a good look).  The set I got were perma

lashes which means they’re supposed to last a few weeks. It took me an hour

to get them applied.  Once I was done, I realized that I looked batshit crazy

and didn’t want to look batshit crazy for weeks.  So, I began the process of

taking them off. How hard could it be? Let me tell you, it’s real fucking hard. 

They’re not called perma because they’re easy to remove. I spent at least two

hours trying to get them the fuck off me.  Six hours later, I’m typing this, and

I still have weird sticky adhesive attached to my lashes and one weird fake

lash attached to my eyelid.  I look way worse than when I started. The one

thing I learned from this impromptu beauty makeover is… I WILL NEVER

TRY TO PUT ON FAKE INDIVIDUAL LASHES FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!

Beauty be damned.